Finally Put Back Together!

I had my second tattooing on March 3rd, 2009. It's hard to believe but I think I've completed my reconstruction phase and I'm "put back together." I started this journey back on January 2, 2006 when I was wheeled into the operating room to get my first mastectomy. It has been three years and it was three years of pain, joy, and growth.

My spring break of March 2006 was when I lost of first expander. I remember that week so vividly because it was one of my worst spring break ever. I was not able to move forth with any more surgeries until May of 2008. March of 2009 and I'm done! It's a sense of relief for me but it's also a weird feeling since I've felt like I've been under reconstruction for such a long time now!

I recently attended the YSC event last month in Dallas. There are many interesting news and research out there. I promise to post soon.

"Flower Power"

I just finished my art bra. I've named it "Flower Power" because breasts are very much a feminine quality of a woman. The flowers represent that femininity and the power represents how cancer makes a woman so much stronger. I used charms, beads, pompoms and fabric to create my art bra. I've made this in honor of all my amazingly strong Pink Ribbon Cowgirls!

Gearing up for Graphic III

We'll host of third annual Graphic event April 18th at the Design Center. This will be my third year creating a bra. The bra that I created last year was called, "Itsy Bitsy Tiny Weenie Pinka Polka Dot Chocolatini." It was made in honor of my beloved Sammy. He was by my side during chemo and he also had to have a lumpectomy on a precancerous lump. Above is Ms. February modeling my bra. Amy is a friend and fellow Pink Ribbon Cowgirl.

I just bought the supplies to start my bra for this year. I can't seem to get away from the chocolate bra theme. To purchase an art bra calendar visit www.bcrc.org and click on Store. They are on sale for $14 online which includes shipping or $10 if you purchase them from me or swing by our office.

My Tattoos

February 3rd, Tuesday, was my tattooing. I've never had a tattoo before in my life and I never really had any desire to get one either. Just like many other things, breast cancer changes things. I had my exchange surgery and my nipple reconstructed back in November. They like for the nipples to heal for about three months before doing the tattooing of the areola. We're not really supposed to get any sensation back to our breast after surgery. I gotten some sensation back but didn't really know what to expect when I arrived.





The person that did my tattooing, I'll call her Ms. R, chatted happily with me. She loved that fact that I worked with the Cowgirls and the BCRC. We looked at the different coloring and tinting to try our best to match what mine used to look like. Well, to be honest, it was hard to remember. I've been through this since January of 2006. Granted I still had one natural breast up until May of 2008 but the mind gets foggy easily, especially after chemo. She put a topical cream to numb my nipples. I was still able to feel some of the needle pressure even after the cream was applied. Ms. R put more cream on and we carried on. The whole precess was pretty lengthy. She spent a great deal of time on my first areola mixing different colors. The other areola did not take nearly as long. She did have to do some "shadowing" since my right areola is flatter than the left one. Another option for those of you that do NOT want to get your nipples reconstructed is to get three dimensional tattooing to make it appear like you have nipples. This is a good option for those that never want to wear a bra.





We were finally satisfied with the color though the coloring will change a great deal within the next week. Apparently the blood rushed up top while she was applying the permanent colors. There will be peeling within the first week. I'm to apply ointment and keep them bandaged up for a week. I have my appointment in early March to go in for a follow-up. They will possibly do more coloring then.





I got to work ready for a full day even though it was close to noon by then. My tattoo site was getting very sore and painful. I do not like to take medicine if I don't have to now that I've been through chemo and am on Tamoxifen for five years. I stuck it out for a few more minutes before hunting down some ibuprofen. By the time I found some and for it to kick in, I was miserable. It reminded me of the times when I did not take pain meds early enough during my saline filling days. The good news is that I do have some sensation back. The bad news was that it took about an hour for the meds to kick in. I highly recommend taking some pain meds prior to getting the tattooing. Better be safe than sorry!

This jpeg was found off of Google but it shows that the areola makes the breast look so muhc more realistic. Most of my scars are now covered by the tattooing too!

I looked in the mirror last night before showering. It's pretty crazy how real they look! I haven't seen two breast and two areola on me since January 1, 2006! Four years later and I'm pretty much done! Most women have a much shorter journey than mine. I'm extremely happy for them. I'm not sad for myself. I just hope I always remember to appreciate my life and my body. It's okay if I'm a few pounds over my plateau. I just need to keep balancing my life with exercise and a great deal of greens.

2009 is starting off well and there's no reason for the rest of 2009 not to be!

A review of my last two months of 2008 and my hopes for 2009

I did get to have my exchange surgery on November 7th! My actual surgery was at 7:30 am. I remember seeing my plastic surgeon and his medical team. My medical team said my illness was not a problem. The medical team then asked me if there was a type of music I enjoyed because they were going to put it on. I told them I'm a happy camper as long as they did not play "angry" music. I consider heavy metal to be angry because it makes me want to yell at people. They laughed and put some R&B for me. I woke up a few hours later and was home by 11:30 am. This exchange surgery was easy compared to all my previous surgeries. I slept most of the day and really pushed the fluids. I was still coughing and coughing hurts the entire chest/ab area. I was able to get out of the house for a few hours on Saturday though I tired easily. I was driving by Sunday though I felt sore. I took Monday off to heal and to get better from my viral infection. I was back at work on Tuesday. Amazing though I think I deserve an "easy" surgery or break now and then. ;) By the way, I was pretty impressed with my surgeon's work.

November 16th was the third anniversary of my diagnosis. Instead of looking at it as a horrible day, I look at it as a reason for me to do nice things for myself. I had coffee from Starbucks, ate brunch, took Sammy for a long walk and went shopping. Several friends amazingly remembered and gave me a call. I'm celebrating three years of survivorship!

November 22nd was my 32nd birthday. I remembered how I thought I would be afraid of 29 that 29 was going to be my 30. Well, cancer happened right before I turned 29 so every year really is a celebration even though this year was even more so. At 32, I started finding my new normal. I've completed my surgeries. I have my tattoo in February but that's supposed to be in and out. I feel wonderful! Feeling wonderful or having days without pain is an amazing feeling that too many people take for granted. My body was put through a great deal between the age of 29 and up to 32 with multiple surgeries, chemo, and continued onslaught of meds. I'm 32 and loving it!

I did have moments of hysteria that last week of November. My plastic surgeon created the nipple as well as placed my implants in. My right nipple was oozing. Of course my first thought was that it was infected. After all this work and it was finally going to wait until the end to become infected. I saw my surgeon right before Thanksgiving and was reassured that everything was normal. The stitches that was was holding my nipple in place is dissolving and my body is not used to this foreign object. They sent me away with a pat on my back and some antibiotic ointment. Sure enough, they were correct. Old habits die hard.

November 27th was Thanksgiving. Elisa and I decided not to do the Turkey Trot when we realized that it was 5 miles and not a 5K. There's a huge difference between the two, especially for those of us that just started jogging again. I had a late lunch at the Crumley's. They sent all morning cooking and the meal was fantastic. Good food and good company. It does not get better than that! I saw Twilight afterwards with Deborah. It was sort of a cheesy movie but all the same I need to find myself an Edward. :)

December 7th I attended a house concert with Ray Benson. I have never heard of him before but he was great. The concert was held in a home that was pretty amazing itself...several millions of dollars. People always took their time in the restroom near the entrance. I found out that that toilet had a cleaner and dryer. I did not partake it in but apparently many did!

December 11 to the 14th I was at Miraval. I was there for the Living Beyond Cancer Conference. Miraval is just outside of Tucson in Catalina. Oprah has raved about this place. She did not disappoint! The guy that picked me up from the airport took my luggage and told me that I must be thirsty. He handed me a cold Miraval bottled water. The food there was amazing. It was buffet style and all the food was fresh and nutritious. Most of them had fat and calories labeled. They had the best berries and I always saved room for them. They had a cafe that served juice, smoothies, coffee and healthy snacks. The juices and smoothies were healthy like wheat grass, cucumbers, etc. The bed was heaven! Everything was down feather and I literally sank into my bed. We were very close to the foothills of the Catalina Mts. The view was magnificent and the air was crisp. We enjoyed beautiful dessert temperature where it was gorgeous during the day but cooled down in the evenings. I got a pedicure and a mud wrap. Oprah was correct! The conference had some great speakers and I was able to meet some wonderful people there.


My last few weeks was spent in NM with my friends and family. My nephews are sweet. I love them so much. I gave Ryan a true taste of Starbucks. I think he went there three times with me to get hot cocoa. We had a nice bonding moment my last day in NM. We had our Starbucks and did several pages in the Spiderman activity book I bought for him. Ben is growing up so fast. He's at such a fun and adorable stage.

My friends are wonderful. They go to my favorite cafe, The Flying Star, each time I am in town. They only go there when I'm in town. I saw the whole crew minus Maria and Erin. I even saw Carlos for the first time since his wedding! I thought the Earth would open up that day. Paul and I made it out to Flying Star too so that was an extra treat! They make time out of their busy lives to see me. I adore them! (The picture above is actually at Weck's that may now be my favorite brunch place.)

It's now 2009. I spent new year's eve at the Crystal Ball working and it was the best thing for me to do. I was able to ring it in with some coworkers and friends. This is the first year that I did not make resolutions. I think I'm finally at a good place in my life. By the way, my routine MRI on January 5th was all clear! What a fantastic way to start the new year! Happy new year!

Take Care of Your Co-Survivor/Caregiver

This is a very important yet very difficult topic for me to write about. I've been putting this off until the right time came around. I am writing about this because I'll always be an educator at heart and my blog is about keeping my loved ones updated on my life and to help anyone that wanders to this blog. This one is about taking care of the co-survivor or caregiver.

A co-survivor can be anyone that is close to you and goes through the cancer experience with you. A caregiver is a lot like the co-survivor. The caregiver is pretty self explanatory; they take care of the cancer patient through treatment, etc. I'll use these term interchangeably though I like the word co-survivor better.

Looking back at my cancer experience, I think I was pretty self sufficient. At times, I think I may have been too self sufficient. I've always been independent. After college, I moved to Tucson, AZ without knowing anyone. I've always believed that I needed to get a degree and not be dependent on a man to take care of me financially. I should have been more specific about what I wanted and needed.

RJ was my co-survivor. This was not a position he needed to take on but he said he would. He did the best he knew how throughout the diagnosis, surgery and chemo. Somewhere along the way we failed to take care of the co-survivor. He did not feel as if he could speak with his friends because they either would not understand or were insensitive. Because of this, he did not vent his fear, anger, concern and issues with many people. With everything I was going through I did not check in on him often enough. I also needed to validate him more. (I've learned a great deal from Dan Shapiro PhD and his session on Couple's Communication. Both Dan and his wife were diagnosed with cancer and at different times. Sadly to say it was after the fact but it helps me help others.) RJ was a ticking time bomb ready to explode...and he did, beyond repair to our relationship of almost six years.

With respect to RJ, I will not delve into great details. I will, however, share what I've learned:

1. www.youngcancerspouses.org is a great online forum for young cancer spouses. It gives helpful tips to deal with the emotional rollar coaster, appointments, loved ones and most importantly the cancer spouses. I met Matt, the founder, at an MD Anderson conference this summer. He lost his young wife to cancer and is now researching cures for cancer at the Texas Medical Center. The online forum is amazing because men typically have a harder time expressing themselves with others. The online forum allows men to have access to other men around the US to post questions and fears.

2. Men really do want to talk. They just need an appropriate forum for it. Through the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls we hosted a caregiver appreciation event and events that were opened to our co-survivor. They may feel "forced" to attend at first but we always got positive feedback at the end of each event. Men need activities or things to do rather than feel as if they were expected to sit around in a circle and pour their hearts out. RJ was always hesitant to attend these events but I had to drag him from away at the end of the night.

3. Don't hesitate to see a therapist or counselor, preferably one that has experience with cancer, couples, and/or major illness. See one before it's too late. Most insurance companies will cover this.

4. Do nice things for yourself as a couple. Take a vacation. Go to the spa together. Try to keep normalcy but remember that life is short so live it up!

5. Communicate, communicate, communicate with each other! Talk about things that are beyond regular day to day things. Have the hard talk about life, death, sexuality, friendship, anger and fear. Validate each other. Establish new roles during treatment. Check in on each other at least once a week. Hold a "business" meeting and schedule one official date night a week. No business allowed during the date night.

6. Communicate with others going through similar experience. Refer back to number 1 and realize that there are other young people going through this too! As for the survivors, there are many, many online forums. The Pink Ribbon Cowgirls are a great one for those in central Texas. Planet Cancer and Young Survivor Coalition are two great forums that are nationwide.

7. Be aware of alcohol or substance abuse. Other problem behaviors may occur too like food, rage, spending, gambling, working too much and affair.



I took a great deal of notes while I was listening to Dan Shapiro.

Relationships are already difficult. Throwing in a cancer diagnosis does not make it any easier. Couples have even more things to deal with. Realize that couples and the co-survivor does not have to go through this alone.

The Waiting Game

I'm two days away from my exchange surgery and we still do not know if I will have it on Friday. After many months anticipating this surgery, I woke up Monday morning with a sore throat. It's cold and flu season. I've been on the go. Apparently my immune system is not the best.

I've been pushing the fluids since Monday. I've had soup for both lunch and dinner since Monday. I've consumed a great deal of orange juice and green tea. I've drank herbal immune fizz. I've added garlic, basil, cayenne and cilantro to my soups. HEB had coffee infused with Echinecea and I had a cup this afternoon.

My doc took a throat culture. He's 90% sure it's not strep. He's thinking it is a viral throat infection that may lead to a cold but we won't get those results until tomorrow at 2pm. My plastic surgeon is giving me the green lights as long as it is not strep. However, it's the anesthesiologist that gets the final call since that person is the one looking down my throat! I'm fine with having my surgery Friday as long as it does not compromise my health.

If I do not have the surgery on Friday, I'm uncertain when the next availability will be. Though work has slowed down, other aspects of my life will be need to be focused on. I'll blog more about that soon. So...here's when I really need everyone to send along all the best vibes. I'll keep you posted and wish me luck!