Fear

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have many fears. I think my fears developed from growing up in a strict Asian family. I grew up fearing I would shame my parents or not live up to their expectations. My mom was a lot like Tiger mom though she didn't have the education to tutor/torture me herself.

Of course I fear a recurrence. I Have 4 months left of Tamoxifen and I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. But besides diet and exercise, there is very little that we know that I can proactively do to minimize my chances and I'm all about being proactive.

A huge fear I've had since childhood was a fear of the water. All I remember was that I was young and in my life jacket but left out in the open water by my cousin. I don't talk about that story with my family so I'm not sure how much of it is valid or if my memory dilutes it. Anyway, having so many new girls getting recurrances was another good wake up call. Four weeks ago I started taking swim lessons w/CTTS' Jimmy. I was told by all the girls that Jimmy was the man. After four lessons I am still scared of the water BUT I'm feeling much more comfortable in it and backward swim isn't so intimidating.

Fear can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. Fear can be a great source of motivation. I hope next time I can report that my fear of the water is decreased even more!

My Heart

I decided to see a cardiologist this year. I saw a peer collapse after she had Adriamycin, a type of chemotherapy, twice and known to cause heart issues. I also had Herceptin which is a targeted therapy but can also cause heart problems. Finally I have family history of hypertension, cholesterol and diabetes.

I actually put off seeing my cardiologist for a few months thinking she would dismiss me and think I am just paranoid. Luckily I either hit the jackpot with a great doctor my oncologist recommended and/or I plead a good case. I hope it is both. I told her my story and she said it was a good idea to get a baseline look at my heart post treatment. Besides my MUGGA scans from Herceptin I never had a post heart function. She never told me that she felt Adriamycin was dangerous or that is why it made my peer collapse but the look on her face was telling enough. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit that day because the nurse that saw me before I saw my cardiologist seemed quite fascinated about my ovarian ablation/suppression question and even asked to be in the room while I spoke to the doctor.

Besides my family history of heart disease and my past drug infusions, I wanted to discuss my future of possibility of ovarian suppression or ablation. There seems to be a connection that your hormones protect you from cardiovascular problems. My cardiologist did not know of clear studies verifying that. Besides eating right, exercising and taking omega 3, she recommended one or two servings of alcohol a week. Of course this made my eyes wide since too much alcohol can raise estrogen and have been known to have a higher incidence of breast cancer though moderation does not seem to be a factor. I think I'll stick to my one or two glasses a month and not feel guilty.

She wanted me to have an ECHO of my heart. I've linked it for you so you can read about it rather than me try to explain what it actually does besides an ultrasound that examines the heart. Anyway, I had it today and the EF normal range for my age is 50 to 70 and I'm at a 60%. Overall everything appeared normal for my age! The nurse that told me the news was excited as I was and we both knew that the Adriamycin was what worried us both. I now have a cholesterol test. If all goes well I go for a yearly or biyearly checkup. If it's high I go back in to see them.

This is fantastic news because both my parents have hypertension and high cholesterol. I also have two siblings that have hypertension. I've been on enough medication that I am looking forward to being healthy and drug free once I finish Tamoxifen this August. Yes, that is right, August! (Technically end of August but close enough)

So, I guess I need to have a toast to my green drinks, working out and overall healthy eating. I'm not out of the woods yet. I know genetically I am predisposed to heart disease but at least I know I'm at an equal playing ground with the average Joe event post treatment!

Art Bra round 5

GRAPHIC 5 is April 23rd so just a little over a month. I wasn't very motivated to do one this year and really couldn't figure out a theme that would be easy enough for an unskilled person to create. I wanted to do a space theme but wouldn't have been able to pull it off. It wasn't until late last month that I was inspired to do a Napa Valley bra. My bra is in memory of all the fallen Cowgirls and in honor of the rest of the Cowgirls. Seeing so many stage IV and those with recurrences made me want to do another bra this year. It's now a tradition for me and I don't want to break it.

Carrageenan

So I'm back to my dairy debate of to consume or not to consume? I recently heard that carrageenan is found in many dairy alternative drinks like almond, rice, soy, etc. Those that don't have it tend to be high in sugar which is something I also try to avoid. Back to carrageenan: It's extracted from a red seaweed and is an emulsifier in foods.

I've heard mixed reviews about it. Some places claim it is fine and FDA approved. I also read that injected w/saline underneath an animal skin it was also carcinogenic. Granted that is in high doses and directly into the blood system but we all know how little things can accumulate over time. I've also read that it may have MSG and cause allergies in people?

Because of all the unknowns I think I will stay away from them. Unfortunately my coconut milk that I like to enjoy on occasion contains it. I haven't been researching this too long but the Whole Foods Almond Milk pictured below does not contain it. I think Rice Dreams do not either but it is higher in sugar.
Here's a list of the ingredients:
Of course I just Googled Tricalcium Phosphate and there seems to be iffy research about that too.

So...it might be the best option to stick to organic milk or make your own almond milk but blending almonds with water in a high power blender and then strain it. I think I will stick to organic milk for the time being. Of course, I plan to drink my almond milk from Whole Foods but think I'll do more research before consuming carrageenan or tricalcium phosphate.

NED!

Just a quick post that my MRI prep worked and I showed no signs of allergic reaction! Woohoo! Also, results showed NED No Evidence of Disease!

It's 2011!

Happy New Year! I have so many random things on my mind that I want to put down.

I'll start with my time back home in New Mexico.
My father will need surgery for a torn meniscus. Apparently his knee was bothering him since summertime so right after my summer trip. He chose not to go to the doctor because he was scared he might have to have surgery. He lived in pain for about 6 months because of his fear! I scold him and my family in NM. I'm a perfect example of getting to the doctor to have things checked out. I could have easily been diagnosed at a later stage if I didn't pursue further testing with my cancer.

My mom's blood work came back and showed high cholesterol, high blood pressure and she's pre-diabetic. Diabetes runs on her side of the family. My uncle died from it. Of course all this puts me at a higher risk too. At least I know so I can do what I can now to offset it. My mom is retired so there's no excuse for her to exercise and eat right. They own a treadmill and a stationary bike.

They eat fairly healthy but they need to manage their refine carb intake and their knowledge of nutrition. My parents both eat a high carb breakfast. My father had toast and jelly one morning. Thankfully I finally got them to switch to whole wheat bread last year. I asked him why he didn't put a nut butter on it. They apparently do not have nut butter in their home. I explained to him that protein is vital and it helps slow down the insulin spike of carbs. They have a Vitamix but do not blend consistently. They drank my green drink when I was there and urged them to blend daily to help get their nutrients and fiber. I also noticed some fat laden muffins in their refrigerator. They were the store bought kind that was too large to be one serving size. My parents struggled when they first came to the States so they are very economical. A 12 pack of muffins would be much more economical than purchasing one muffin in their mind. Hopefully they listened to my thought of purchasing only what you need/want in desserts even if you have to pay more per serving. This limits temptation when you're at home but they still get to enjoy the occasional desserts.

It is difficult to see them get old. Technically they are not old, they are only in their 60's. They seem so old though, especially my dad. I'm glad my siblings are there to help them.

Besides that, I had a wonderful time in NM. It was busy catching up with some old friends but the bulk of the time was spent with Ryan 8.5 years old and Ben 4 years old. For the first time no tears were shed! They really are growing up!
It was so great seeing Sue. She's my friend that is in the mist of uterine cancer. Thankfully she did well through the first half of chemo. She's on a break to do radiation and it seems as if this is much more of a challenge for her. I think she'll be done with radiation soon and then she'll finish a few more round of chemo. I know she's surrounded my loved ones in NM so I'm so grateful for that.

Sugar Overload!
I've always believed in eating well so it was okay to have my occasional dessert, my 80/20 rule. Between my birthday in November and holiday snacks in December I was no longer 80/20. I was having desserts just about everyday. I'm back at home in Austin and decided to go back to basics: Raw desserts! The first week I made dehydrated "oatmeal" raisin cookies made out of sunflower seeds, bananas, apples, raisins, maple syrup, vanilla, cinnamon and walnuts.

Week two I made a pineapple-cashew-date pudding out of pineapples, tahini butter, cashew butter and dates. It actually came out too sweet. I'll use less dates next time. This time I'll just mix it with plain yogurt. It wouldn't be considered raw but it will still be a healthy alternative.I think I will make a mango pudding next weekend. The cookies required a lot of work with my low end dehydrator. It was given to me and I love the fact that it was free and it will help me decide whether or not I want to upgrade to the Excalibur dehydrator. It's what raw foodist uses and comparable to a Blendtec or Vitamix as a blender.

I need to make a raw dessert each weekend, just like how I make one big meal over the weekend to last me for several meals. The more I prepare the better. What I really like is how it's mainly nuts and fruits. I know it's important to eat fruit in moderation too but it's a much, much healthier alternative than baked goods with tons of refined sugar.

Meal Planning
So I "won" a WTF Did Sarah Palin say calendar in a white elephant. Besides getting a few good chuckles, I decided to use it to plan my meals and dessert. I'm a visual person so this is perfect. I hope this will give me a variety of nutrients as I vary my main meals each week.

Exercising
I do not believe in New Year's Resolutions. I believe in a lifestyle. I've always been pretty good at getting 3-5 days a week of exercise whether it be intense or leisurely. So far I've worked out 8 out of 9 days in 2011. I think I'll like to aim for spin class and yoga at least once a week and then mix that with weights and other form of exercise.

It's 1 am and I'm starting to fade. Just a little over 2 more hours to go before I can take my Predisone for my MRI prep and finally get to bed.

MRI Prep

Routine MRI tomorrow. I have to do prep work since I had an allergic reaction to the gadolinium last time with the hives near my eye. (See the older post in 2010 but I posted the picture below. It was taken several hours post allergic reaction and post Benadryl.)
I've been debating which is worse for me, the MRI or the CT scan. Gadolinium or radiation? This round I chose what I feel is the lesser evil to be the MRI. My prep work consists of Prednisone 50 mg tablets 13 hours, 7 hours and then 1 hour before my MRI. I also take Cimetidine 300mg an hour prior to the MRI as well as 50mg of Benadryl. Lucky me I was also told that they have a crash cart on site.

I'll know to schedule my MRI earlier next time. 13 hours prior to my 4:30pm MRI means I take my first Prednisone at 3:30am. This would be the reason why I'm writing this at midnight. I figured I mind as well stay up rather than wrestle with sleep to get up to have a snack (take w/food) and my meds and then try to go back to bed.

There you have it. My MRI prep for hopefully my only cancer surveillance scan in 2011.