The Sun Eventually Sets

I spent September 12th to the 14th at The Crossings in Austin. Above is a picture of the sun setting and depicts the beauty of The Crossings. It's hard to believe that The Crossing is about 10 minutes from my house. Planet Cancer, www.planetcancer.org, hosted a retreat for those that are 25 to 40. A little history about Planet Cancer is that it was started several years ago when Heidi Adams was diagnosed in her late twenties and had no one to reach out to. They focus on an online forum and retreats to support those that were diagnosed in their 20's and 30's.

Let me back track a bit. I work and support the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls www.pinkribboncowgirls.org or www.pinkribboncowgirls.ning.com through the Breast Cancer Resource Centers of Texas www.bcrc.org. The PRCowgirls are close to 100 amazing women. I love what I do. I support newly diagnosed women and women that are further out of treatment. I coordinate activities for our group and I manage the online forum. I get a great deal out of it and so do the women I support. However, some personal events have happened to me in the past year that I will blog about in a later time. From this I realized that I needed support for myself and to start taking care of me.

Heidi and I have been trying to touch basis for some time now. We finally connected and there I was all signed up to go on the retreat. The retreat was great. There were 30 some young cancer survivors from all over the US there. There were breast cancer survivors to melanoma survivors. There were people from stage I to stage IV to incurable. It was a very humbling experience to be around everyone. There were many tears the were shed but spirits were high and there were also a great deal of laughing and joking around.

One of the most powerful thing for me was our last day there on Sunday. Heidi walked a group of us to the labyrinth. It was time for reflection. It was a time for us to reflect on the grief we have experience for our self and those that we care about. It was time to remember those that we have lost along the way to cancer, a horrible disease. She asked us to take as much time as we needed. From there, we were to choose an object we found on the grounds and then to walk the labyrinth. Once we reach the center of the labyrinth, we were to place the object we picked up in the center.

I grieved for the devastating changes it has done to me both physically and emotionally. Cancer has changed my life in many ways. There have been both positive and negative changes. It has changed my relationship with my body, food, friends and significant other. I grieved for those that I support that have recurrence or metastatic cancer. I grieved for the new friends that I met that had an incurable cancer.

Cancer is removed through surgery. The hair grows back after chemo. Cancer "goes away" but the stigma never leaves. Grieving is a normal process. I've learned to allow myself to grieve more.

Exchange Surgery: November 7th

"Slow and Steady Wins the Race" is a quote a former student of mine chose from a book of quotes. He's an amazing student and person and I stand to learn a great deal from him.

I changed my surgery date to Friday, November 7th. I spoke with the nurse and she said I would run a higher risk of blood clots, especially if I'm traveling on a long flight. My flight isn't too long but why chance it? Also, they don't think I'll need drains but they won't know until they get in there. If I get drains, I'm screwed. There's no way I can fly with drains. Drains run a much higher risk of infection and we know how contaminated the airport and plane is.

I forgot that I have the LiveStrong and Race for the Cure on back to back weekends. My first free one is November 7th. I've waited this long to get this done what is another few weeks? Besides, it will be an early 32nd birthday and 3 year survivorship present for me.

Send me good vibes, wishes, air hugs...you name it, I want it! I'll have many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I will finally say my health, family, friends, job and my sense of wholeness.

Almost Done!

Well, I met with my plastic surgeon this morning. So far so good! He will exchange my expanders with my implants by making an incision underneath my breasts. He will use some of the skin from that area to reconstruct my nipples. He must place the nipples either above or below my original incision. That means my new nipples will be slightly higher or lower than they are supposed to be because they need to keep the oxygen supply alive and they cannot do that over the scars. My nipples will probably be fairly small since I don't have that much skin to spare. However, when they tattoo, they can go around it to make my areola appear larger. Wow, my very first tattoo ever!

He originally told me that I would have to have my nipples reconstructed at a later time but not so! I will have to return in three months to do my tattoo. One step closer to being done!

The next two months are crazy for me. I was in Houston last weekend for a conference. I have a retreat the following weekend. October is already busy between flying in for my sister's wedding to our biggest fund raiser of the year with work. My only possible opening to get this done soon is September 25th. If not, it won't be until end of October. The good news is that the recovery for this surgery is supposed to be much, much easier. He will devote about an hour to each breast. I spoke with two fellow Cowgirls today and they said they were up and about shortly after. If I have my operation on the 25th, I have to fly out to NM October 2nd. That would only give me seven days to recuperate. I should be able to do this as long as there are no complications from my surgery and I'm not too swollen. I need to double check with my doc tomorrow. I didn't discuss this with him because I didn't know his availability until after we finished up. He said I shouldn't need to stay over night and most likely I won't have to have drains put in. However, he won't know about the drains until he goes in.

Decisions, decisions! I'll keep you posted. Just wish me luck and send me good luck for a smooth surgery and speedy recovery if I go with the 25th!

It's Smokin' Hot Here in Austin

Happy September! School is back in session. Fall is around the corner. The days are starting to get a little shorter...but it's still smokin' hot here in Austin! It has been over 100 degrees with the humidity here. It's also chile season where they import green chile from Hatch, NM. I just had some and my mouth is burning. Hot but yummy!

Great news! I did have my chest, abdomen, pelvic and bone scan last Friday. All clear! It's worth drinking the massive amounts of Barium they make me drink and eat. The "pudding" is the worse. It lingers in my mouth and throat. It made me want to throw up. The Barium is to provide contrast during my CT scan. They also inject it through IV while I'm in the machine. It gives you a warm sensation, almost as if you urinated on yourself. They make you hold your breath and it's all over in about 10 minutes. You're supposed to fast prior but I goofed and had some food. I only get this specific scans once a year and I get it confused between the requirements for the MRI and the pelvic ultrasound and they didn't remind me.



As for the bone scan, they inject radioactive tracer in you and it travels into my bones. A special camera takes pictures of the tracer in my bones and it takes about 30 minutes for the actual scan. There's a great deal of waiting time in between. I was there from 11:45 to 4:45 pm.

Also, I haven't been able to sleep very well in August. I would fall asleep and then wake up four or five hours later tossing and turning. I tried melatonin, Valerian root and Ambien. I was getting desperate and found an article in the Natural Solutions concerning sleep. They recommended other supplements so off to Central Market I went. The person that worked there recommended Edge Effect by Eric Braverman. The book is on how there are four lobes in our brain and we can either be deficient or have access of dopamine, serotonin, GABA or acetylcholine. I'm apparently GABA dominant because of my love of stability. (50% of the population is GABA dominant.) I apparently have been deficient of it recently. I took a supplement that included GABA, magnesium, Reflora and L-Theanine. 4 out of past 5 days I've sleep better than I have in August. I need to do more research about these guys but getting sleep is an amazing feeling! His theory in a nutshell. He also has a website too, just Google him. I like this one because it's to the point. http://www.createvibranthealth.com/NT.htm

I see my oncologist in November but I'll probably email the nurse and pick her brain about these supplements. The great thing about this book is that he recommends meds for severe people. Then he would like to ween you off to supplements and then get everything from your diet only.