Physical Scars: My Port

It’s summer time in Austin and I love my tank tops because its hot.  I’ve had two people call me out on my port scar. A quick background on ports:  A port serves many purposes. Not everyone that receives chemo will get a port. Some chemo cocktails can be harsh (duh they are like poison) when it becomes in contact with the skin or some people have bad veins or some people know they will have chemo longer or for the duration of their lifetime. Because I was HER2+, I was on Herceptin for a year and I was on Adriamycin and which was potentially harsh to the skin so I was recommended to have a port put in.  The port makes it easier to administer chemotherapy safely rather than having to start an IV each time. Elma cream is a topical that is a local anesthetic to relieve pain during port access so it is usually applied before going to the infusion room.


Ryan was one of the two that ask me about it during my last visit home.  He was 3.5 years old when he saw me bald and in the mist of  chemo.  I know my sister prepped him for my arrival home.  I flew home for Maria’s wedding and I was in the middle of Taxol.  Sure enough, he didn’t ever ask me about my wig, scarves or my bald head.  I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned that he was so mature.    

This was the top I was wearing when he asked about my port.  He's finally wearing another color besides red.  It's the shirt I got him when I was in Cozumel.  You can't see the port in this picture because the port is on my left side.  

I think often how people with a significant other seems much better off going through treatment, especially chemo, than someone that was single.  I think the most challenging position would be to have children, especially young children, while going through treatment.  Scratch that, the absolute most challenging is being a single mom and having children. 

It felt as if my heart stopped beating for a few seconds when Ryan inquired about the line on my chest.  I asked him if he remembered when I was bald.  He said he did.  We talked how I had surgery to put something in there to help me get my chemo medicine easier.  Kids are resilient.  No other questions and he was excited to be watching Spiderman. 

Not so obvious but obvious enough if you're looking for it.  Ryan is at the perfect height to see it.  We were walking into the movie theater when he saw it.  

Moms have to explain to their children all the time that they have breast cancer.  It’s the moms that go through chemo that the children can finally see that their moms are sick.  The pale skin and no hair are dead giveaways.  The other side effects just compound things. 

We’re so fortunate to have Wonders and Worries in Austin.  They are a local nonprofit that can help the parents talk to their children about this and they also offer support groups and one-on-one with the children.  I’ve heard nothing but wonderful things about them.  Call them if you need their resources.  Other cities have comparable programs out there too. 

We know that a diagnosis leaves many emotional scars.  It’s the physical ones that we see on a daily basis.  They start to heal and fade with time but hopefully it serves as a reminder of how far we’ve come and for us to never take life for granted.