Shine On

It's been a difficult past three months.  Three losses within three months.  Death is always hardest on those of  us that are living.  The three ladies that passed are now at peace.  They will forever Shine On.

I spoke at one of the Remembrance Ceremony early this month.  She was a beautiful angel and full of life.  There is so much we can learn from her.  There is so much we can learn from all of them.

I'm at such a loss of word that I'm uncertain where to begin with this post or should I just end it?  Life is so precious and fragile.  Dr. Litton was correct.  We all need to go live our life!

Some thing that I've done that has never been on my bucket list but I guess I can add that to my bucket list is that I rode on a motorcycle when I told myself that I would NEVER get on one unless it was an emergency or my last resort.  To date I've ridden on one three times now.  What a year for adventure!  I've gone paragliding and now motorcycling!

I guess I need to end this post since I'm all over the place.  This Saturday is the Mamma Jamma Ride and I ride in memory of all my ladies that will always shine on and will always have a special place in my heart.

Step One: CHECK!

The results of the P53 came back much quicker than I expected which was a very nice surprise. I think it just took 8 or 9 days.  I've just been too swamped to post anything. It was negative!  Yay!  This is huge because those that are HER2+ or Triple Negative breast cancer tend to have the P53 mutation.  I just really hope I'm BRCA1 negative too.

This means I'm NOT at a higher risk for other host of cancers.  If I'm able to have children, I will not pass this along since I do not have this genetic mutation.  I can check off step one!

I have a visit with my gyno next month for a routine check up and to see if we can get a better gauge of my ovary functions.

This wonderful news was much needed during a crazy time and when I've experienced loss.  More to come.

Dreams

We dream all the time but most of us will not remember our dreams unless we write them down upon waking.  My sleep is much improved now that I'm a year out of Tamoxifen but the quality still fluctuates with time due to hormonal fluctuation.  I've had some vivid dreams recently.  They are so vivid that I did not write them down but I remember them.

After I got back from MDA I had a dream that I was pregnant!  Last night I had a dream that my P53 test came back positive!  I don't know if it's the deeper sleep that I'm getting or if I haven't had time to really think about the impact of the P53 test but both were freaky!  I remember at one point in the night wiping away tears.

It's been a week since I had my blood drawn for the test.  I'm hoping the results will come in by the end of this week or early next week.  I decided to wait for the results before making my appointment with the gyno even though I need to see her for my yearly anyway.  I'm waiting and all the while hoping I haven't opened Pandora's box.  Maybe Dr. Litton was correct that genetic counseling was a good idea.  It's about bedtime and I hope I dream of something nice...maybe something that doesn't even have to do with cancer.  Maybe I can dream of fat chubby puppies or my sweet niece and nephews!