Hip Bone is Connected to the Thigh Bone

I DON'T want to break, even if I'm Breaking Bad!

So this blog was set up many years ago to share with my loved ones my progress and to educate anyone that possibly stumbled across this on their research regarding cancer and survivorship.  I really don't think any of my friends read this anymore but it feels good to the soul if anyone can possibly learn from my experience. I'm not the best writer nor have I blog consistent enough but I truly hope I've helped at least one person.  If so, I've done what I set out to do.  

Recap, I was diagnosed November 16, 2005 at 28.  Fast forward to today I'm now 37 and I'm in survivorship mode.  Survivorship tends to be the hardest on most since the "fight" is over and then you have to live with how you've mentally and physically changed.  What I always find hardest is that we'll never know sometimes if it's because we're truly getting older or if treatment has a hand in all this.

Anyway, back to my original topic of BONES!  Because of my last discovery that I was in perimenopause, I immediately asked for a bone density test.  I had a baseline one.  I had one done shortly after I finished chemo and I suggest everyone that has chemo or have things done with their ovaries ask they med oncs about it.  Baseline tests can be good because then they can use it to compare it to when they perform the test in the future.  The reason why you may want to have it check from chemo or ovarian treatment is because those treatments can disrupt your estrogen which tend to help your bones.  That is why older folks, mainly older women, have a higher chance of having osteoporosis.  Osteoporosis are porous or fragile bones more susceptible to breaks.  Most folks are recommended to have this test done every 1-3 years so talk to your docs.  They may or may not bring it up on their own.  They are super busy and see so many patients in a day.  Be your own advocate! 

I had mine done back in the days and it was normal for someone my age.  So I have decent bones going for me with my latest news!  My lumar actually shows a slight increase (these test aren't 100% accurate) and my thigh and hip bones showed just 3% decrease in bone density.  I'll take that!  No changes in my life style are recommended.  I know the lower body has bigger bones but I do weight bearing exercise, usually take my calcium supplement and try to eat a fairly healthy diet.  All this tends to help and that means I'll continue to do all this and may up my weight bearing exercise more since that's just a win win.  I also have to admit that my cal/mag supplement a dose is two tablets.  I tend to only take one so I may need to take the full dosage since I found out about my perimenopause issue.  Things to think about because we have one body so lets take care of it!  

Pausing.. forever?

Pausing can be a good thing, right?  Right, it can make us slow down and think things through.  Well this is certainly the case for me.  The pausing I'm talking about it perimenopause.

This is the definition of perimenopause according to Mayo Clinic:

Perimenopause means "around menopause" and refers to the time period during which a woman's body makes its natural transition toward permanent infertility (menopause). Perimenopause is also called the menopausal transition.

Women start perimenopause at different ages. You may notice signs of progression toward menopause, such as menstrual irregularity, sometime in your 40s. But some women notice changes as early as their mid-30s.

The level of your estrogen — the main female hormone — rises and falls unevenly during perimenopause. Your menstrual cycles may lengthen or shorten, and you may begin having menstrual cycles in which your ovaries don't release an egg (ovulate). You may also experience menopause-like symptoms, such as hot flashes, sleep problems and vaginal dryness. Treatments are available to help ease these symptoms.

Once you've gone through 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period, you've officially reached menopause, and the perimenopause period is over.

So...you're probably wondering why I'm blogging about this since I'm JUST 37.  I started this blog when I was much younger so I guess the word just isn't really justified?

About this time last year I had my FSH and AMH levels checked.  These tests are used to see how active my ovaries are and to see about my egg reserves.  When I checked 12 months ago I was holding steady for someone my age.  My number was just a tad lower, most likely from chemo treatment.  Fast forward to present day and I found out my test results have changed drastically!  It shows that I'm...gulp...in perimenopause!  Perimenopause!?!?

This means my chance of natural conception will be much more challenging AND that I'm heading towards menopause.  This would explain the trouble with my sleep, feeling emotional at random times beyond when I'm supposed to, feeling as if my joints are creaky and always feeling hungry beyond when I'm supposed to feel super hungry hence dealing with my weight.  I just found this out so I'm still processing all this.

For a lack of better word this sucks.   I obviously know I'm fortunate and blessed in SO many ways but I know it's also okay to acknowledge my disappointment and it's another reminder of how my cancer treatment, mainly cancer, has continued to interfere with being a "normal" 37 year old.  We'll never know if it was from treatment but I'm highly suspicious that it killed some of my mature and immature eggs so my overall egg reserve dropped, especially while I was on cytoxan.  (I think that was the one I read that tends to destroy the immature eggs too.)  Will need to process and then go from there.  

Moments and Memories from 2013

Ziplining on a gorgeous day in Wimberley, TX.

I have a Moments and Memories Jar because it's so easy to remember and dwell only on the negative. This helps me appreciate my life and reflect on all the wonderful things I experienced and accomplished in 2013. To share just a few:

I completed the first thing on my bucket list which was to see David and the Sistine Chapel. Thank you Lori I'll never forget this and I so appreciate your friendship.

The Supreme Court ruled in our favor stating that Myriad cannot patent the test so now other companies can perform the test AND cost have dropped!

My nephews are growing up so incredibly quick and getting so independant. I'm so thankful for the quality time I spent with them over the summer and winter.

I've done more and more public speaking and I feel I'm more confident with each one.

I'm so proud of Sis Kelly and our work with the #BP5K. (Mainly her since she's the brain child behind it all.) It was amazing to see all the hard work pay off and how many lives it touched.

My "step out of my comfort zone" for 2013 was ziplining in Wimberley in November. It was so much fun and I would certainly do it again!

Learning to forgive is so powerful!

I'm so thankful that I'm still friends with my good friends in NM. I see them about twice a year but time spent with them always warm my heart!

I appreciate ALL the friends I've made because of my cancer diagnosis. No one wants to have it but you meet the most amazing, loyal, fun and kick ass people. Thanks, all!

I love my Austin friends that we make time out of our busy lives to try to see each other when all our schedules are so crazy different. 
My work is fulfilling and helps keep me balanced. I feel like I get to make a difference in someone's life each day.

New Mexico 2013

Some of the things I miss most about Albuquerque are the sunsets, the green chile, local eats, my friends and most importantly my sweet nephews.  I started watching Breaking Bad so I was able to stop by Walter's house and the Car Wash.  With all the food I ate, I managed to have a green drink each morning and to stay away from most gluten items.  I certainly was able to tell when I ate gluten because my skin really itched and it didn't help that NM is so dry.

Sunset in Albuquerque

Gluten Free Christmas Huevos Rancheros from El Pinto. 

Fried Green Chile from the Range.  I only had a bite since it has gluten.

Lunch at Frontier

Gluten Free brunch at Cafe Lush using local and organic produce when possible.

Cheers to Green Drinks!

Walter White's house

Car Wash from Breaking Bad

Visiting with my girlfriends at Flying Star Cafe.  They also use local and organics when possible.

Having brunch with my girlfriends at Cafe Lush before hitting the road back to Austin.

37 and Being Thankful

I turned 37 and for the most part I'm so grateful for another birthday because not everyone I know will get the opportunity to celebrate one more birthday.  I actually get sad on Facebook when someone that passed already and a reminder pops up to remind me to post a birthday wish on their wall. 

So I turned 37 and I do feel more mature.  I feel as if my health is stable.  My job is fulfilling, my friends are great and my beau is super sweet. Typical Austin we had a cold front blow in when it was in the 80's just a few days ago.  It appeared it would be a dark and dreary day but I arrived to work to find my office phone ringing and a friend singing happy birthday to me.  I had a voice message that a coworker sang happy birthday to me in both English AND Spanish.  I've never had that happen so that was pretty neat.  I got some gifts from my sweet coworkers and even some gluten free goodies.  (I'll need to blog about that soon.)  It's hard to find gluten free goodies, even in Austin, so it was a nice treat.  I even had flowers delivered to my office.  Even with all that I had a busy day at work that always leave me feeling whole and warm inside.

Dinner was at Uchikos and was amazing as usual.  My two favorite dishes are below:

 Mushroom, basil and peanut works so well together in a roll!  What a great combination of flavors! 

 Best dessert EVER!  I didn't ask if this was gluten free but it was pretty darn amazing and worth the small amount of gluten.  The bottom was layer in a chocolate type of oreo cookie crust.  Then there was a large chocolate ganache, raspberry sorbets, raspberry caviar, microherbs, grapes and then this cream ball. Talk about a party in your mouth!

Saturday was dinner and drinks with my girlfriends at T'jeas and JBlacks. 
Sunday friends picked me up for Catching Fire and the new movie house with yummy food.  I ordered a goat cheese salad, gluten free, and it was pretty amazing.  The company, food and movie were top notch!  


A few weeks prior I had an early celebration with my super sis and we watched Harry Connick Jr. She's my super sis that is 366 days younger than me and she'll never let me live that down. 

Thanksgiving is usually very close on my Birthday or it usually falls on my Birthday. This year I was a whole week ahead but it's always a great time for me to remember why I'm so thankful.  Emotionally it was a roller coaster of a ride but my cancer keeps me grounded.  It makes me appreciate the little things.  It makes me appreciate the innocent.  This is little Hana bear about 1.5 years old.  She's happy as a clam with her croissant.  I'm thankful for her and for my nephews.  I'm thankful for my health and all those that I love.   

Mamma Jamma 2013

On October 26, 2013 I rode in my 4th Mamma Jamma Ride.  I rode 72 miles my first year and then 46 the rest of the years.  This year I only trained for 20 and rode 46 so I'm pretty happy with myself.  The last 16 miles were pretty tough but it was such a great time to reflect and feel the women that we've lost to this disease.  I rode most of it alone but I knew I was never really alone.

I also raised over$1000 which was the most I've ever raised!  Not bad for just sending out a few emails and doing the rest over Facebook!  It also warmed my heart because so many clients donated.  The work that I do it's the little things (in this case big things) that counts.  My heart is full and it was a near perfect weather! Many thanks to all my friends that continued to support me each year!  Much love to you!

8 Year Cancerversary

Yesterday marked my 8 year Cancerversary.  Remember that I used to truly celebrate it but now I'm almost scared to jinx myself.  So on Saturday I went to get my hair cut (probably because is signifies control,) had lunch with a dear friend and then friends came into town so had dinner and a wonderful time catching up with them.  Besides on Facebook I never publicly told anyone about it.  I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop but as I repeat I do not want to jinx it.  It was a lovely day and keeping busy made me forget how my life was completely and forever changed on the afternoon on November 16, 2005.