There are no guarantees in life

I was going to put off writing about mortality until later but my near death car accident today, October 1, 2007, on 183 going Southbound is still fresh in my head. I should be in the morgue or in the ER right now and not blogging. I never made it to work. I came home after my accident. I am still in shock. I don't know how I managed to escape or cheat death today. Besides being clipped, I should have had a major impact. Maybe it is karma. Maybe I have a guardian angel. My car is virtually fine. Physically I'm fine.

Of course I was afraid that I wouldn't beat cancer. I believe all cancer patients feel that at one point in their lives when they become diagnosed. I was only 28. My little nephew Ryan was only three. What about my friends? What about the rest of my family? What about my students? What about RJ? What about me????

There are no guarantees in life. I always knew that but spinning 180 degrees across four lanes on an interstate makes it much more real today. I recall reading stories about other BC survivors. Many were diagnosed in the later stages and were in much more difficult situations. I also remember seeing a little girl in American Eagle. She had a bandanna on and you knew she was undergoing chemo treatment. The little girl could not have been older than nine. These stories always made me realize that I'm somewhat "lucky" because I might get to escape death a little longer.

It is all about carpe diem. Cancer can be scary. Surgery, chemo, and life's uncertainty is scary. The ironic thing is that a car accident could have claimed my life today and not cancer. I have resolved to fight even harder to kick cancer's ass and to do good in this world. Don't be afraid to live or die because nothing is guaranteed.